Lay Down Your Sweet and Weary Head

I am quite tired today. The last few weeks I have not been a good steward of my time and have ended up with insufficient hours to get much needed rest. The longer I go without good sleep, the less energy I have and the more likely I seem to be to get sick. So this is a public service announcement:

MAKE SURE YOU PUT ASIDE TIME FOR RESTING! ^_^

The Pearl of Great Price

Most things in life are not so fantastic that you would give everything up to keep them present to you. One could hardly say that they treasure everything that greatly. Every now and then, however, you come across some things that are.

In the Bible, Jesus uses the parable of "The Pearl of Great Price" to illustrate the awesomeness of the kingdom of Heaven. We are told that it is like a pearl that is so beautiful and perfect that the merchant will sell all that he has to acquire that pearl. There ought never to be a goal ranked more important than achieving that blessed "pearl". Yet God does not stop there. In addition to having died and risen for our salvation and eternal joy, He also gives us multiple lesser pearls to console us along our own personal Calvary.

Family is one such pearl to me. The value that my family has to me is beyond measure in many ways. I love them more than myself and they love me. I am ever grateful for them. They have taught me so much and I continue to learn from them daily.

Another such pearl is my friends. They have put up with more than most friendships ever get deep enough to handle. They are like a second family to me and certainly have been spiritual guides at many points in my life. They draw me out of myself and unknowingly make me face some of the most difficult truths about myself.

There are more blessing than I can count in my life, and I am so glad that they are here!

In the Stillness

There are some dreams that are very special. Some things are so dear that it is quite hard to wait for them. My heart is full of hopes and wishes for my future. I find the uncertainty of when or if these dreams will come true difficult to bear.

I know that God loves me and will ultimately only do what will lead to my happiness, but in the mean time I am learning that I am not a very patient person. I suppose it would be safe to say that I am a bit afraid. I am afraid to lose loved ones, afraid to be left alone, afraid to be weak, and afraid to fall short.

The dreams that I long for may be far away, but I believe that they are worth the wait. So, I will wait. I will wait for the dreams to become realities in the stillness of God's quiet light. I may ache sometimes, but I will get through. I ask once again for prayers.

A Painting

A Frightened Child

When I can't see the road ahead, I become very uneasy. The less I can see, the less sure I am of myself. I become very vulnerable and fragile over silly things. The source of my weakness is, of course, my insistence on depending upon my own strength. I'm afraid to lean on other people because I fear being a nuisance, being considered absurd, or just be brushed aside. It is easier to keep quiet about my troubles, or at least to downplay them.

I don't lean on God because I am too prideful. Oh that I had the humility to trust Him completely! Still I keep Him at arms length until I am most vulnerable and sometimes even then I am trying to carry myself. I am too stubborn. I don't like to admit when I get hurt and I don't like change.

I try very hard to deal with the things life throws at me as they come, but it just isn't my forte. What it comes down to is that I do need support from others, especially God. At these times that I feel so vulnerable, even though I know that I'm being ridiculous, I just need to know that things are going to be ok and that I'm still loved.

Just as one comforts a frightened child, I believe that we need to comfort each other. In that moment, when I child is scared because he or she believes that there are monsters under the bed, it doesn't matter whether or not the fear is rational or well-founded. The only thing that matters is that the child is scared. I'll try to remember that when others are scared or anxious about small troubles.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to really let go completely of my pride and my fear during this life. In the mean time, though, I'll just keep working at being more up front with people about my worries, without downplaying them, and letting others help me through my rough times. I'll also be working on being more aware of when others might need me to be more sensitive to what troubles they're experiencing. Then I'll try to find my way back to the "garden" and maybe bring some of my loved ones along with me. =)