Thursday, January 31, 2008

An Excerpt from the Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska

" On a certain occasion, the Lord said to me, I am more deeply wounded by the small imperfections of chosen souls than by the sins of those living in the world. It made me very sad that chosen souls make Jesus suffer, and Jesus told me, These little imperfections are not all. I will reveal to you a secret of My Heart: what I suffer from chosen souls. Ingratitude in return for so many graces is My Heart's constant food, on the part of [such] a chosen soul. Their love is lukewarm, and My Heart cannot bear it; these souls force Me to reject them. Others distrust My goodness and have no desire to experience that sweet intimacy in their own hearts, but go in search of Me, off in the distance, and do not find Me. This distrust of My goodness hurts Me very much. If My death has not convinced you of My love, what will? Often a soul wounds Me mortally, and then no one can comfort Me. They use My graces to offend Me. There are souls who despise My graces as well as all the proofs of My love. They do not wish to hear My call, but proceed into the abyss of hell. The loss of these souls plunges Me into deadly sorrow. God though I am, I cannot help such a soul because it scorns Me; having a free will, it can spurn Me or love Me. You, who are the dispenser of My mercy, tell all the world about My goodness, and thus you will comfort My Heart." - Diary, 580

The Comfort of Angels

Through all my trials, great and small, my Guardian Angel stands at my side and helps me along. I may feel lost, hurt, confused, frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry, but my Angel gently points me away from myself and towards my Lord. Although I often do not heed my angel's voice, I am not abandoned for my stubbornness. On the contrary, when I err, my Angel is always there to comfort me in my pain.

My heart is so full of late. Everything seems to happen so quickly. In a matter of moments everything changes. All it takes are a few words from another to change my reality. "Your uncle is in a comma." "You think you know everything." "You just made my day." A few simple words are all that is necessary. The change is done. The course is altered.

I sometimes wonder if it would be better to not feel anything at all, but then I would lose many things. I would lose the simple joys. I would lose the capacity to love others so much so easily. I would lose the ability to easily empathize. It is true that it takes almost nothing to hurt me, but it takes very little for me to light up with joy as well. I would not trade that.

What then is the solution? How do I console my so easily wounded heart? There is no need. Without fail, my Angel brings me to the heart of my Lord that I may rest there in peace. As I rest in my Lord's arms, He sweetly shows me my errors and gives me new strength to return to my daily trials. Then, when I return, my Angel stays by me to remind me of what my Lord has told me. I am never abandoned and so I carry on, with hope and love in my dramatic little heart.

Friday, January 25, 2008

A Quiet Place

A gentle breeze blows across a shady garden. The sweet scent of flowers floods the senses. As my heart turns to prayer I find myself in such a place with Christ and there is peace. In this quiet place, I am safe from all the cares and anxieties of the world.

To find this quiet place, I journal, spend time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, sing, take walks, join with friends in prayer, and spend time with those who are dear to me. Words are often not even necessary. Many times, it is enough to simply soak in the experience. In these moments, there is calm.

True, it is naught but a foreshadowing of what is to come, but it is still so comforting. This quiet place is a gentle consoling to my soul in times of distress, like the gentle soft glow of candlelight. It is soothing like the sound of waves crashing against the shore off somewhere in the distance. As is the sweet melody of violins, so is this peace. Yet, it is so much more. The troubles are not forgotten, or left behind. Rather, they are bound back and not permitted to break through the peace. God is near. Safety, beauty, joy, and love reign.

This quiet place is one in which to think. It is a place to sort out troubles. Counsel is given and received. God graces humble hearts with His wisdom. Perspective is broadened. Truth is discovered. Longing for the future is quieted. Yearning for change is calmed. There is growth.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Prayer, Love, and Music

In these past few days, I have come to understand a bit more what it means to love the Lord. There is an overwhelming peace, because I know that He is with me. I know that He is omnipotent and all loving, so there is no fear in His mighty presence. There is, however, an extraordinary sense of awe and wonder. How can this be, that the wonderful, magnificent, beautiful, and perfect Creator of the Universe would deign to bestow His favor on me, a mere creation? Compared to Him, I am so insignificant and yet, He lifts me from my humanness and holds me close to His heart.

His presence floods my senses like incense and sweet music. I cannot even begin to fathom His infinite nature. He is so far above me. My souls is overflowing with joy each time He reveals a new parts of His glorious self to me. It exceeds my mind's capacity to understand how such a great being can even exist. Never ending? All powerful? All loving? What do these things truly mean?

A I grow in His love, I learn a little bit more about Him. I am fortunate, too, that I learn in such tiny increments, because any larger and my being could not contain such joy. He lovingly meets me where I'm at and draws me gently toward Himself. I am unbelievably honored. How blessed I am! What are the sorrows of the world in the face of such joys?

It is not as if my sorrows vanish, for they are still present, but He shows me how to let them go and I slowly understand. Little by little, my mind takes hold of the concept of joyful suffering. For the Holy Trinity wishes to share in my sorrows as well as my joys. Through the mystery of the Incarnation, Christ has shared in all our sufferings and understands our temptations. "For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." [Hebrews 4:15]

Therefore, I approach Him, in all my human imperfection, with confidence in His loving mercy and I long for the day when my soul may be united with Him in Heaven. My soul yearns to grow ever closer to our precious Lord. How could it not? The sweet music of His love is ever calling me to His side. With His grace, I will answer, "Behold, I have come to do Your will, O God." [Hebrews 10:5]

Saturday, January 19, 2008

A Perfect Fit

God's timing is so perfect. This is something that I've always known but have rediscovered in a whole new way. Everything that happens in my life are like pieces of a puzzle at fit together perfectly to produce moments extraordinary blessings.

Usually, I have no clue until I look back and see how each thing pointed me in the right direction. In some instances I can remember being so frustrated that a person did or said something and then when something didn't go my way. Little did I know the great good that God would bring from those times.

I am so thankful for the many blessings in my life. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He has given me so much and all in His perfect time. It's a good thing that I realized this because I was just getting ready to ask God to hurry things up for me. There are certain dreams and hopes which sometimes catch me at wishing they were realities now. But, with God's grace, patience will prevail. I'll hold His hand and let Him lead me along the path of life.

And now, here's a funny video about God's timing. ^_^

Thursday, January 17, 2008


"There, as He sweat Blood, His greatest suffering - as He confided to St. Margaret Mary - was the ingratitude of men, especially their ingratitude toward the Sacrament of His love.
"He saw in advance the long days, the long nights when He would be alone, forgotten, in thousands of tabernacles in solitary churches, the thousands of indifferent people who would pass each day before the churches without even thinking for an instant that He is there, those who would enter the churches to admire the windows, the architecture, yet not make even a little genuflection before the tabernacle. He saw the multitude of the baptized, whom He was to make His adopted children in His Blood, who would neglect even Sunday Mass, who would fail to receive Easter Communion. After delivering Himself up in the Host, as He did, what does He ask of us? An hour a week, on Sunday; one Communion each year. Could He have required less? He gives without counting the cost, asking a tiny return, and He is refused.
"He saw in advance the sacrilegious Communions, the hatred with which He was to be pursued, especially in the Eucharist, by the impious members of diabolical sects. He saw all that in advance. He foresaw everything in Gethsemane, and He accepted it all, that He might descend into a single soul who loves Him. 'For you alone I would have instituted the Sacrament of my love.'" - 'I Believe in Love' by Father Jean C. J. d'Elbee

All for love.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


Being at school and, to some extent, separated from many of the people and things dear to me, I have come to realize just how blessed I am. I have a loving and wonderful family. I have many patient, kind, and honest friends. I am blessed with a place to live, a good church parish, and an education. There are so many blessings and gifts in this world. Of all the blessings I have received, the greatest and most precious to me is Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. How truly fortunate I am!

Friday, January 11, 2008


No matter how organized we are and no matter how well we prioritize, it still seems that there is never enough time. My break from school is almost over and there is still so much to be done. Today I have to buy school supplies, pack, have lunch with my grandmother, spend time with my family - something I've neglected to do - and get ready for the wedding that I'll be in tomorrow.

My sister and I are spending the night at the bride's house tonight and we won't arrive home tomorrow until four or five, at least. When we get home much of my family will not be there because they have a pro-life function to attend at our church. At that point I'll probably finish up my packing. I'll go to an early Mass on Sunday and head back to college.

I have so many mixed feeling about returning to school. I feel as if my break flew past me without giving me time to react. My family was very busy for much of my time at home and we were entertaining many guests. During my break, I was also working for a week. Overall, I just feel like I'm racing against time.

With each year, it seems that time passes more quickly. These last few years of my life are almost like one single year in my mind. Things that happened two years ago feel only a month old to me. Conversely, many things that happened this past fall appear quite distant.

Time is such a confusing thing, always too fast and yet so slow. The future dangles before my eyes as if it will never come. The past and present slip through my fingers like grains of sand. In one sense I long for the future and whatever it may hold, but in another sense I wish that time would stop and I could just dwell in this moment. Hopefully, as time passes, I will master the way of enjoying each moment while it lasts and welcoming each new one when it comes.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


Today I slept in 'till ten, again. I was sad for that because it always makes me feel as if I've wasted half of my day. However, I was able to attend a midday Mass at the Abbey, which is near my house.

As I was in Mass, I was reflecting on the words of Dr. Scott Hahn on the Mass, the book of Revelation, and the sense of awe and wonder that he felt when he realized the connection between the two. I know that I should feel the same awe and wonder, but most of the time, I don't.

All my life I've been familiar with the scriptures and the liturgy and I fear that I have come to take them for granted. I know that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist and yet, some days I can look upon Him with so little interest that I am sure my coldness hurts Him.

Ever since I was a young child, I have always felt inspired and challenged by the lives of the saints. After reading them, I would come away with strong resolutions to be kinder, more patient, more humble, more disciplined, and more prayerful. Needless to say, in my humanness, it was much of a crash and burn attempt each time.

Thankfully, I did manage to take away some valuable information. Most importantly, I have become more and more aware of my own ignorance. It is often daunting and quite humbling and yet there is a peace there. I know that I don't have to have all the answers and that in His time, God will open my heart so that I too may know that sense of wonder in His magnificent presence.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

A Beginning

There is so much to say and no easy way to begin. For me, beginnings are always the hardest, in every sense. I struggle with beginning friendships, stories, papers, books, prayers, tasks, school, and so much more. Still, it is more than merely procrastination, although I'm sure procrastination plays a part. The cause of my trouble with beginnings has been fear, laziness, a desire to prevent the end from coming, or just a plain lack of knowledge on how to begin.

With beginnings comes another struggle for me; change. It has always been an adversary to me and seems to come at the least convenient time. When I wish things to change, they move at a sluggish pace, lasting years on some occasions, but when I wish things to linger, they disappear in a matter of days. Perhaps it is the same with everyone. I do not know.

I have decided, though, that I will try to learn humble acceptance of the things that I cannot change. I hope to grow and improve a great deal between now and the summer months. I ask for prayers that I may be successful and not get in my own way.

And so, I begin...