Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Let's Dance

Life can be so confusing. Sometimes it leaves me feeling quite dizzy. At the same time, each new experience, even the scary or hard ones, is so beautiful. I feel as if I've learned so much so quickly between August and now. Things change so quickly.

At first, I was so overwhelmed by the change. I felt as if everything was spinning out of control and it took all I had to keep some semblance of balance. I worried and fretted over so many things, large and small. It always amazes me how easily I put some very small problems of mine on the same level and the much larger ones.

Still, I'm beginning to learn. I'm coming to see that I have never been alone in this confusing dance. Christ is and has always been gently leading me along. The only time the dance gets awkward is when I try to lead or when I try to guess where He will lead me next. But if I surrender completely to Him and follow where He takes me, then the dance is a peaceful, joyful, and exciting thing.

I imagine that if my life truly were a dance, then I could safely say that I step on Jesus' toes quite often. That doesn't really matter, though. He is the best dance partner and just smiles lovingly at me as I apologize for my carelessness. His love is proved daily by His gentle way of taking my faults and slowly melting them away.

He is such an excellent choreographer in this dance of life. He always knows how to bring out the best in His dancers. He knows just where the next twirls and leaps ought to be. However, He doesn't stop there. In addition to putting the twirls and leaps in all the right places, He also helps me to do them a thousand times better then I ever could on my own. When I do try to dance alone, He stands nearby, patiently waiting for me to come to His open arms and dance with Him again.

Monday, February 25, 2008


I am blessed to have one of the holiest priests I have ever encountered as the pastor of my church parish. He is extremely wise and humble. He has done so much to keep our parish united to the rest of the Roman Catholic Church and he has been such a gift in my life. In many ways he has been like a grandfather to me as my own grandfathers passed away when I was very young. Recently, I went to receive the sacrament of Reconciliation from my pastor, he told me something that really hit home. He said, "Holiness is not the ability to be perfect, but the humble surrendering of our imperfections to God."

I often forget that it's okay for me to be imperfect. I become so concerned with what I ought to be doing that I over think things and the result is some rather intense anxiety. Concerned thoughts plague my mind. "What should I say?" "How should I explain this?" "What if this ruins everything?" "What if I lose this person's friendship?" "What if I'm too dumb to figure out what God is telling me?" "What if they can't forgive/love me?" "What if they don't listen?" "What if I scare them away?" "What if I become too annoying?"

Sadly, I think that many of these fears will be a cross for me to carry, on and off, throughout life. Still, I find that little by little, I am learning not to focus so much on myself and to trust in God. He made me the way I am on purpose and for a purposes. I may not know what it is, but there is a reason for my existence. Jesus died for me. He doesn't care who I am, what I've done, or what I'll do in the future. No matter what, He will always love me. With that knowledge, I have the courage to keep going on.

I know that I don't have all the answers. In fact, I'm appalled at how little I know and can do. I'm just beginning to learn. But I've come to learn that that is okay too. I don't have to have all the answers because He does. There are many people that I love and I wish that I could forever avoid mistakes that may cause them to suffer, but that isn't really possible for anyone.

So, I've decided, once again, to just surrender those worries to Christ. They are His now and I know that He will take care of me. I'll just keep doing my best and leave the rest up to Him.

Monday, February 4, 2008


There is a certain sense of awe when one encounters something beautiful. It touches the soul. As each day passes, I begin to see, more and more, that there is so much beauty in this world. There are beautiful songs, beautiful colors, beautiful plants, beautiful animals, beautiful crafts, and beautiful people. For a long time, I didn't really know what it meant when people said, "All people are beautiful." Often, in my mind, I would respond, "Then why is it that we encounter people who certainly are not beautiful?"

Beauty is such a tricky subject. Everyone defines it differently and most want to possess it. In today's world, beauty is certainly something to be desired. Boys want to marry beautiful girls. Girls want to be as beautiful as movie stars. Movie stars waste their fortunes on attempts to get and keep the most beautiful look. The desire for beauty permeates our culture.

But I am coming to learn that there are so many beautiful people in this world. There is beauty in a quiet sacrifice, an unguarded smile, a forgiving word, or an act of love. There is beauty all around us, in every person. If only people knew how special and unique they are.

Right now, I am visiting my sister. She and her friends have been working so hard to make time for me in their busy schedules. These beautiful women of God have opened their home and offered their time to me, in spite of being very busy. They have demonstrated by their selfless actions what true beauty is.