Monday, October 19, 2009

Here comes the sun...

Surprise! By the grace of God, and Him alone, I broke out of the funk I've been in for the last few days. I can't explain it. Despite countless attempts by friends, family, and myself to get me out of it, I made no progress, then, suddenly, peace came out of the blue and overcame all else. The first signs came this morning when I was walking to class and felt like singing. I knew that I wasn't ready for my Chinese quiz and that I had to give a presentation for my International Law class, but I wasn't afraid anymore.

As the time to go to Mass approached, I considered missing Mass in order to spend more time working on my Chinese, but I knew that it wouldn't make a difference. I was just about as ready as I'd be today and that extra hour would only get me two more words in my memory bank. So I went into the church, let out a deep and freeing sigh and just felt my soul fall into His arms. I looked at Him and my many requests and pleas were reduced to one simple prayer, "Lord, give me the gift of abandonment". I don't know where the prayer came from because I felt so compelled to pray it that I was able to go through all of Mass without losing my focus on Christ to focus on Chinese. Instead, I was blown away by the amazing reality of the Eucharist. I received God into my entire being today! What else can even come close in importance?

My soul was penetrated by His beautiful light and He consoled my weary spirit in an instant. I didn't ask for anything else. I didn't need to. In that moment, I knew with my whole existence that He was everything good and that I'd never need anything else. I was lost in His love and it's too much joy for me to contain. I did nothing to deserve this precious gift and I don't care. I have it because He wants me too and that's good enough for me any day. I feel so brave right now. I feel as if I can face anything now. Everything is in perspective.

I did fine on my presentation. I did poorly on my Chinese quiz, but not so poorly that I cannot recover. Either way, I'm happy and I love Him so much. I have so much love and joy in my heart right now. I am very much aware of how selfish I've been these past few days and I want to apologize to all of my amazing friends, who tried their best to help me out. I just got in your way. :-/ Know that I love you and that I see what you do for me. You touch much life!

Here's a song to leave you with!

Melancholy Me

Sometimes I feel as if being melancholy is like catching a head cold. It's bad enough to make you feel miserable but not quite bad enough to get you out of anything. This semester I've been feeling melancholy very much. I'm so annoyed with myself. :(

Basically, I'm sick and tired of feeling this way and I want to be done with school and stress and loneliness. FOR GOOD! My self just gets in the way too much. I keep saying this too shall pass and I know that it's true. I just wish that it would pass sooner or that I was better equipped to deal with it. But I'm not and it won't. So, I'll just have to deal with it and keep pushing myself along.

It sound pretty depressing, doesn't it? I'm not depressed, though, or I don't think that I am. I'm just tired and a bit sad for no particular reason and a bunch of stupid reasons. And it's frustrating and a bit discouraging. I'm done, for now. Thanks.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Simply Lovely Dress

So, I was browsing the WWW via stumble! when I happened upon this work of art: The Dress! It's is one of the most beautiful dresses that I've ever seen and it has so much happening in it. It's whimsical, romantic, sassy, stylish, and elegant all at the same time. Here are a couple of shots of the dress in action. one here and one here The dress is by Luly Yang and is called "Papillon". Get this, it only costs $25,000. Crazy right! Who, in their right mind, would spend that much on a single dress? Still, it's a very lovely work of art, in my opinion.

This is probably one of the least meaningful posts I've ever put up. But I just wanted to share this with you.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Friends are like Flowers...

When I was a little girl I used to listen to children's praise music on a cassette entitled "Hi God!" and on it was this song: (Granted this version is a bit different then the one I grew up on - it's certainly faster ^_^) Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the metaphorical garden of my life. I have so many different kinds of flowers in the garden and they are all amazingly beautiful.

Many of them will be moving away after this year and that's been on my heart lately. What does it mean for my friendships with everyone if life is drawing them in a new direction. As I watch them, one by one, discover where they want to go and who they want to be, I feel as if I'm being left behind. Not because they are going, I am confident that our friendships will last for a long time, even if they change with time. I feel as if I lack the clarity that they possess about the future. Where do I fit in this great big world? What am I meant to do? I can't stay hear forever and with each friend discovering more about his or her life path, I am increasingly being made aware of that fact. I wish that I was more wise.

Still, in spite of all my fears, I'm happy for my beautiful friends and all the great adventures that lie ahead for them. Incidentally that makes me think of another song: (The movie that this song is from is irrelevant to this post.) Well, onward toward adventure, I guess. ^_^

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Terrilbe, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Reprise

I have no words. Academic discouragement, undeserving award recipients, and NO SLEEP! End Post.