Monday, April 2, 2012

Wishin' and Hopin

So a number of recent occurrences (and by recent I mean within the last four months) have left me thinking a great deal on the future and God's plan for me.  Mostly, I've realized that there are some errors that I have been letting slip into my way of thinking and I did not even notice them.  So, here they are for your perusal:

Error #1: God needs my help to bring about His will.
God does not need our help.  He invites us to cooperate and surrender to His will, but we are not essential to the success of God's will.  We can choose to not be a part of that success, but it will come about with or without us.  That victory was won, by Christ, on the cross.

However, lately, I've been imitating Sarah (wife of Abraham) lately.  I see the promises that God has made and try to "help" them come to pass.  Do you remember what I'm talking about?  The angel told Abraham that Sarah would have a child and thus would Abraham's issue exceed the stars.  Sarah could not see how this would come to pass, so she decided to help.  She brought Hagar to Abraham as a second wife and, well, the rest is history.

God's will did come about anyway, but it was not through Sarah's doubt and Hagar's womb.   So, I've learned that from now on, I need to be more patient.  If I think that God is calling me in a particular direction, but I cannot see a way for it to come about, then (to the best of my effort) I will surrender it to Him and if, indeed, it is His will, then He will bring it about and if not, then I know and will try to act accordingly.

Error #2: Anxiety is productive.
I know, I know!  How could I have fallen for that one?  Yet, I do often feel somehow that I am accomplishing something when I turn my troubles over and over again in my mind, well beyond the trouble-shooting phase.  It is very difficult for me to walk away from a problem, even if it is years in the past, like a friendship bitterly ended, or far in the future, such as whether or not I could be a good parent.

I realize, of course, that troubling over matters in this way does little next to nothing, but I tend to do it anyway.  This relates closely to my next error.

Error #3: I'm in control.
If you are laughing at me right now, that is okay.  I'm sure that I deserve it for falling for this particularly obvious and ridiculous lie, but I am slightly comforted by the fact that I have yet to meet a person who has not fallen for this one at least once.   One might be tempted to believe that being in control would be a comforting thought, but for me it brings only anxiety.   For as soon as I begin to feel that I am in control, I become filled with panic and dread towards that inevitable moment when all the things I am juggling will come tumbling down in a mess around me.  I suddenly become overwhelmingly concerned about work, the well-being and emotional happiness of my friends and family, financial troubles, the future of my students, the future of America, the future of the Church, and, well, you get the idea.

For those of you who never knew I was such a nutcase, surprise!

Error #4: I can and ought to be perfect.
By now, I'm sure that a number of you have realized that these errors are somewhat of a false distinction.  All of these errors are rather intertwined.  What can I say?  Everything I do is complicated.  Why should this turn out to be any different.  ~_^

Anyway,  I am aggressively trying to chuck this error out of my mind, but that is proving to be quite the challenge.  Luckily, I am receiving assistance in a Divine way.  Still, I'm a work in progress.  Don't get me wrong, I think that it is absolutely essential to strive to improve and grow daily, but I'm learning to accept that I am human and that I am a work in progress.

So, friends, there you have it, my foolishness at its finest, for your consideration.  Isn't life grand?  My current goals are to surrender everything to Christ as often as I can and to learn to see myself as He does.  Keep my in your prayers!


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