The Most Wonderful Time...

As we enter into Advent and Christmas draws near once again, I find myself reflecting on the relationship between Christ's first and second comings.  I am, of course, aware that that is what we're supposed to reflect upon during Advent.  (Why did you think I was reflecting on it?)

Being in a country that is still, to me, a foreign one, I have a new perspective on the concept of waiting for God's saving work to come to complete fruition at the end of time.  You see, I live in a mission country for the Church and the perspective on the Trinity, the Church, and the human experience, is largely far removed from my own.  Yet even in this beautiful land, where Christ is, sadly, not accepted, He is still visible.  If you know where to look, you can find Christs presence in limitless places.  It is such a beautiful truth, for which I am exceedingly grateful!

Yet I do not belong here.  I do not mean that I don't belong in this country, but rather that I do not belong in this world.  None of us do.  We were created for something far greater and more wonderful.   We are but pilgrims, like the wise men, journeying towards our Savior.  I've had a rather easy time keeping that sense of being a pilgrim alive since I moved here.

Now that Advent has begun, that feeling has been increased fourfold.  I am away from my earthly home, I am in a land where Christmas is not widely celebrated (even commercially), I am away from my Heavenly home, and it's a time of year when things would ordinarily be quite different.    All of these things serve as wonderful tools to turn my mind towards Heaven and the coming of the Lord.

Christmas and the surrounding days is my favorite time of year.  There is a deep sense of family and love associated with this time in my memory.  Little tokens, given in love are the best gifts of all.

Soon, Christmas will be here.  Let us commit ourselves to careful and loving preparation of our hearts, minds, and souls.  Veni Domine!

Come to the Water

So, a few months ago now, I was riding on the metro on the way back from one of my tutoring jobs, when I found that I was having terrible withdrawal symptoms.  No, I haven't become a drug, alcohol, or caffeine addict since I moved here.  My withdrawals were from a lack of water.  I was so dehydrated.  My head was throbbing.  I felt weak.  I felt irritable.  I really could barely stand it.


As I was unable to hydrate until I alighted from the train, I tried to occupy my mind with other things.  I was really only partially successful as mind pretty much stayed on the subject of water, dehydration, and addictions.  A discussion was brought to mind that I had had with a friend a number of years ago.  We were discussing and attempting to define what constitues an addiction, but we ran into a little trouble when it came to distinguishing between addictions and actual bodily needs.  I don't really remember how that conversation ended up, but the connection between addictions and bodily needs, or rather the withdrawal from both, remains.


While I was sitting on the train, contemplating on my misery, it occurred to me that I was much like an addict going through withdrawals.  The thought made me chuckle to myself, when an analogy plopped into my brain.  Ready, here goes:


Christ is the Living Water.  Without Him, we cannot have life.  Satan seeks to replace the Christ in our hearts and our lives.  One of his favorite methods for doing this is by causing us to become addicted.  Through our fallen nature, we are addicted to sin.  As with all addictions, sin feels necessary (I realize, by the way, that this is sort of a false distinction [between sin and addiction], but no analogy is perfect).  Sometimes, sin feels as necessary as breathing.  We feel that we don't have a choice because for us to deny ourselves this thing that sin promises seems wrong.


But let's look at an addiction more closely to see what's going on there.  For convenience, I will be examining an addiction to alcohol.  Alcohol, in spite of the beliefs of some, is not an evil things by itself.   It is the same with any sin.  If sinned looked as ugly and evil as it really is, no one would choose it.  You've probably all heard that before, but it bears repeating.


Some philosophers argue that humans are not capable of choosing something they they believe is truly evil.  I happen to agree with this thought.  Let me be clear, people choose things that are evil, cruel, selfish, wrong, etc. but that, in my opinion, is only because they in some way perceive that as good.  Perhaps they even know that it's not the greatest good, but they perceive as good or a means to some good in some way and have decided that "good" is sufficient to support the decisions that they make.


Sin is merely the distortion and/or the disorder of something good.  Lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, envy, wrath, they all masquerade themselves quite convincingly as good things.


So, what's the point?  The point is, due to the fallenness and frailty of our human nature, even knowing that these promised "goods" are a lie, we are not capable on our own of resisting that temptation.  We are like full blown addicts.  Our freedom to decide has been annihilated by that addiction.  In order to regain that freedom, we require outside help.  We require an intervention and then constant support from those who love us, mainly God, friends (both on Earth and in Heaven), and family.  We are not capable of doing it on our own.


Many people say that Christianity takes away our freedoms and they point strongly to the "thou shalt nots".  But it is no more a loss to be abstinent then it is a loss of freedom to abstain from killing or stealing.  It is no more a loss of freedom to avoid letting righteous anger turn to wrath, then it is to follow traffic laws, or to obey your parents.


Once when I was out with some acquaintances to see a movie and grab some food after, I was given a great deal of greif because I wasn't drinking a lot.  (I would like to be clear here, I was drinking, I just wasn't drinking enough to feel it.)  The girls I was with gave me the argument that I couldn't really loosen up or have fun if I didn't get wasted.  I held my ground in as laid back a manner as I could, trying to put them at ease.


Because of the circumstances, I was unable to explain to them that I liked being sober enough to have a clear choice in how I behaved and that I didn't need alcohol to enjoy myself.  If a certain behavior doesn't sit right with me when I'm sober, then that will only worsen when I'm sober again and look back at how I did that very thing that I didn't want to do.  I am not a disciplined person.  It takes all of my effort to not let my passions, emotions, and desire for physical comfort completely dictate my actions.  Knowing myself as I do, taking some of that effort away is not remotely an appealing idea to me.


To me, needing to remove your mind, your ability to reason from the equation, that is not freedom.  I like to choose my path.  Freedom is a choice that comes from letting yourself be set free from a prison that is inside of your head.  Sin is not freedom because, as with any other addiction, our ability to decide, to choose is impaired.


So then, are we doomed?  I mean, if we are addicted to sin and we, in our fallenness, have no choice but to choose it, then how can we prevail?


Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbée wrote in one of my absolutely favorite spiritual works, I Believe in Love, that "we apply to the Heart of Jesus the measure of our own...hearts" that we "grow tired of pardoning" and this is why we have trouble contemplate a merciful God who would pull us through all of this even when we offend again and again. Fr. Jean continues by quoting St. Therese who says, "justice itself, perhaps even more than anything else, appears to me clothed in love.  What a sweet joy to think that God is just, that is to say, that He takes out weakness into account, that He knows perfectly the frailty of our nature!  Of what, therefore, should I be afraid?"


The Church supports this idea completely.  Did you know that in order for a sin to be considered a Mortal, that is deadly, sin, you must have full consent.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, "The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders." (CCC 1860)


Anyway, it's nearly one in the morning here, I am quite sick (again), and there is teaching to be done in the morning, so I will end with this thought:


It is only when we recognize and accepts our frailty, then surrender it to God, that we begin to become truly free.


Goodnight! ^_^

Those old homesick blues

So, I'm homesick.  I'm living pretty far away from home these days and lately I've been missing it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy.  Life here is nice and sometimes fun, but there are some things that are missing.  The biggest thing missing is the people I love.

There is so much that I want to do and share with you all and being here only highlights that we're not together.  I still walk through the streets of the city and think, "Oh!  My sisters would love that outfit!"  or "The Chain Gang would love this tea house."  Pepper mills remind me of Michael.  Every time I see a cute baby, I think about how Elizabeth always picks on my for thinking that every baby is adorable.  Every time the MRT zooms past, surrounding me with gusts of wind, I think about "when I die" memories.  Someone told me that I was like a Disney princess here and I almost hugged her, just because of the friends that statement brought to mind.  There are so many more little moments like that, but of course I've forgotten them.

Anyway, I've had a string of exhausting days lately and I keep thinking about how much I wish I could just unwind with my friends and family, or go to the adoration chapel, or even just text y'all.  You are all in my thoughts and I miss you terribly.

Love,
T

This is just a dream...

So here's the thing, when I think about 9/11/01 I don't get choked up.  I was just a kid when this all happened and the one thing that I remember most about it was how unreal it all seemed.  Don't get me wrong.  I am aware of the tragedy that occurred and my heart goes out to all those who were affected and still are being affected by the events of that day and their consequences.

But as far as emotions go, it's as if I've never been able to really compute the information.  I had no idea what the twin towers even were until they were gone.  I remember we were all at home doing school when Mom came in and told us to come watch the TV.  She tried to explain to us the significance of these events and things seemed to become worse and worse with news of other planes.  I remember trying to make myself cry (because I was a weird kid and I thought that crying would be the appropriate reaction).   There were lots of cries of outrage around the world and Americans stood together, demanding that something be done.

But like all devastating events, this one was quickly forgotten by the majority of the world.  People moved on.  One thing I clearly remember is how very supportive everyone was of the War in Iraq.  I remember asking Dad if it was a just war and he and I going over the Church's standard for what constitutes a just war.  At that time, I really didn't know much about the war or even our government, so I didn't really have my answer, but I do remember that there were yellow ribbons and American flags everywhere for that year and much of the next.  Lot's of signs were about saying, "We Support Our Troops" and lots of country songs were written to rally in their support.

In retrospect, I do wish that I had been able to really grasp the significance of all these events at that time.  I wish that I had understood what those attacks and that war would mean for our country.

Now, years later, as we are still feeling the effects from this man-made catastrophe, my mind doesn't go the national or international ramifications of this day in history (though they are certainly great).  Rather, my heart goes out to the individuals who were most affected on/by that day.  My heart goes out to those who lost family members in those planes and buildings; to those who were expecting to see their loved ones again and never did; to those poor families who know that their children are responsible for the attacks and have to live with that knowledge; especially to those persons who think that 9/11 was in any way a victory for anyone.

Every time I've gotten on a plane since 9/11 I have wondered what I would do if my plane was hijacked.  I never know the answer.  But I do know that my life could end at any moment for countless reasons and so could yours.  This should not cause us to live in fear, but rather to live without regret, being the best version of ourselves we can possibly be.  If you knew that you were going to die today, what would be important to you?

I know that this post is a bit scattered and disorganized, but I wanted to write it anyway.  Let 9/11 be an occasion for reflection and prayer on the human condition and those poor souls who were most directly affected (in whatever ways) by that tragic day.

Princess in the Tower

This post is a tribute to the modern day knights.  Girls like to whine a lot about how chivalry is dead and how men aren't as brave, strong, noble, etc. as they were of old.  I think that is all rubbish.  Perhaps I have had a particularly unique experience with the men of this world, but I have met a number of extraordinary ones who are all of those things and more.  Through the way they chose to live, they make me want to be a better person so that I can be worthy of their acquaintance.

It is a huge travesty to say that there are no good men (left).  They are out there fighting the good fight and living life to the best of their ability.  Ladies, don't take them for granted, because they are not everywhere and strive to be what they are.

To all of the men out there who strive to live with honor, to stand up for those who are weaker and more helpless, to be the best versions of themselves, to provide for their families and their loved ones, and who aspire to greatness, thank you.

I want you to know that even though we don't say it often to you, the ladies do notice.  They see your strengths and your good qualities and they admire you for it.  Strive on noble, knights!  Your efforts will not go unnoticed or unlauded.  We appreciate you.

That is really all that I wanted to say.