Dizzy Music

If life is a song then mine feels like 'Flight of the Bumblebee' lately. Everything just goes by so quickly. My perception of time begins to become warped and distorted as events rush past my tired self. There is so much that I wish to accomplish and never quite enough time to do it. Even as I remove things from my schedule and regretfully decline invitations from my friends, I find time working against me.

My dad and I were going to plan a garden for the Summer months during my break from school, but as my break nears its end, I doubt that we will have time. Many of my friends will only be in town for a few more days, but I wont get to see them. How quickly time flies!

I am very tired, yet I love this crazy dance that my life often becomes. In and out of the dizzy music, I know the steps and the emotions. The emotions are usually unwelcome, but hopefully I have more or less managed to no longer allow them to control my actions. The steps: pray, rest, pray, slow down, pray, do the best I can, and pray. ^_^

Yeah, basically, prayer is what makes the difference. Still, I feel weary. Dealing with feelings is tough. It's easy to let them overcome my efforts to follow Christ. Being an especially emotional person hardly helps. It makes self-discipline especially challenging. That's where grace comes in. I am absolutely certain that God's grace is what gets me through each day. Without Him, I am nothing. Without Him, I would despair, lose my temper, insist on my own way, eat like a horse, and stay lazily in bed all day every day. He is my partner in this dizzy dance and He has the lead.

I'm not a very good follower in my life dance or in real dancing, but, thankfully, God is a good leader. He is such a good leader that sometimes, I even look like I'm good at this. So, when my days become difficult and my spirit is low, as they begin to seem, God will get me through. Thank God!

The Long Road Ahead

Well, it's been a while since I last updated, but as I am in doubt that this a widely read blog, I believe that this is a fact that affects few other than myself. Still, every now and again, I really feel motivated to post my thoughts to someone. Anyone who cares to hear, within reason. I wonder what it is about me that causes me to turn to an anonymous blog to express my struggles instead of turning to those who I know and interact with. Whatever the reasons for this tendency to hide behind anonymity, here I am again typing out me thoughts.

Sometimes vulnerability comes at me like a slap in the face. I feel secure and safe, then suddenly it's all gone and I just feel alone and unwanted. Usually this isn't because anyone has done anything unkind to indicate that I am no longer welcome, rather (I believe) that it is more closely related to no one doing anything to let me know that I am, in fact, wanted. Of course I'm not trying to say that everyone else was the source of my insecurities. In fact, if that were the case, then I would be insecure much more often. Still, people need to know that they are loved. Just because you love someone dearly, doesn't mean that they know it. You need to constantly remind them in everything you do.

People need to know the good that they bring to others lives. At least, that statement goes for most of the people I've met. Encouragement, kind acts, and nurturing attitudes are crucial to many people's self concept. Feedback from others certainly plays a big part in my self perception. There is much to be said for the lost art of writing notes or letters of encouragement to loved ones. Or even for just surprising someone every now and again by reminding them that you think them something special.

Family and friends are only with you for a relatively short time. Life is fleeting. Now is your chance to make a difference in someone's life. Now is the time to let someone know that you care. Don't hesitate or the moment will pass you by. Don't be afraid, or at least, don't let that fear rule you. Reach out to someone that you love. They are worth it.

Lay Down Your Sweet and Weary Head

I am quite tired today. The last few weeks I have not been a good steward of my time and have ended up with insufficient hours to get much needed rest. The longer I go without good sleep, the less energy I have and the more likely I seem to be to get sick. So this is a public service announcement:

MAKE SURE YOU PUT ASIDE TIME FOR RESTING! ^_^

The Pearl of Great Price

Most things in life are not so fantastic that you would give everything up to keep them present to you. One could hardly say that they treasure everything that greatly. Every now and then, however, you come across some things that are.

In the Bible, Jesus uses the parable of "The Pearl of Great Price" to illustrate the awesomeness of the kingdom of Heaven. We are told that it is like a pearl that is so beautiful and perfect that the merchant will sell all that he has to acquire that pearl. There ought never to be a goal ranked more important than achieving that blessed "pearl". Yet God does not stop there. In addition to having died and risen for our salvation and eternal joy, He also gives us multiple lesser pearls to console us along our own personal Calvary.

Family is one such pearl to me. The value that my family has to me is beyond measure in many ways. I love them more than myself and they love me. I am ever grateful for them. They have taught me so much and I continue to learn from them daily.

Another such pearl is my friends. They have put up with more than most friendships ever get deep enough to handle. They are like a second family to me and certainly have been spiritual guides at many points in my life. They draw me out of myself and unknowingly make me face some of the most difficult truths about myself.

There are more blessing than I can count in my life, and I am so glad that they are here!

In the Stillness

There are some dreams that are very special. Some things are so dear that it is quite hard to wait for them. My heart is full of hopes and wishes for my future. I find the uncertainty of when or if these dreams will come true difficult to bear.

I know that God loves me and will ultimately only do what will lead to my happiness, but in the mean time I am learning that I am not a very patient person. I suppose it would be safe to say that I am a bit afraid. I am afraid to lose loved ones, afraid to be left alone, afraid to be weak, and afraid to fall short.

The dreams that I long for may be far away, but I believe that they are worth the wait. So, I will wait. I will wait for the dreams to become realities in the stillness of God's quiet light. I may ache sometimes, but I will get through. I ask once again for prayers.