Saturday, January 8, 2011

Where are you going?

Last (academic) year, seems like a lifetime ago.  The framework of my day to day life was so different in relation to how it has been this year.  Then again, my life is so different from many different ways it had once been.  Reading this, you might be thinking, "Well, duh, life changes.  What's the big deal?"  Maybe not.  I don't really know what you're thinking.  =)  I can only speak for myself.

For those of you who've been following my blog since the beginning, there has always been a running reflection on the changes in my life and how they affect me.   As a child I used to become so troubled over change.  I cry to my mother and ask why things couldn't just stay the way they were.  Perhaps that is why I had such a fascination with Peter Pan, when I was growing up.   I mean, seriously, there's a boy, who's life never changes, and he spends all of his time having great adventures.

Back then, change scared me because life was becoming harder and I didn't want to lose the way things were.   Now it's not so much that I don't like what's coming as much as I just don't know what's coming.  I don't know at all.  Sure, I make plans, but I have less of a sense that my plans will come to fruition than I used to.  Not that things worked out according to my will more in the past than they do now, but as I grow older, I become more aware of the general uncertainty of things and more decisions are in my hands, rather than those in positions of authority over me.

Now I have to choose my own fate and I don't even have my bearings straight most days.  Also, I used to be better at letting God lead.  (I was never very good at it, so you can just imagine how much worse I've become.)  Anyway, it's something I intend to improve on during this year.  So, please keep me in your prayers.  =)  Thanks!

In the mean time, I'm trying to figure out where I'm going in relation to the next moment.  How can I prepare?  How can I be aware?  What will I need to do to stay focused?  How can I best serve?  What can I do to better help those around me?

P.S. I know the picture is huge, but I wanted to do justice to her face.  =)

5 comments:

Kelly said...

Beautiful reflection, my dear! Please let me know if I can do anything to help you!

You're always in my prayers!
Kelly

Libbs said...

You can better serve by making me a sammich.

Therese said...

idiot

G said...

Beautiful. I can totally relate in so many ways, T. Praying for you!

G said...

What a beautiful resolution. I can totally relate to this in so many ways, T. I've learned so much from you, and I'm praying for you! I know you can handle whatever He brings your way. :)