Saturday, February 5, 2011

Friendship Tests

I am by no means an expert, but it seems to me that we all put each other to tests.  Some are more extreme (e.g. I'm going to stop contacting my friends and whoever doesn't contact me in the first month isn't truly my friend).  Others are more subtle (no one seems to have missed my withdrawing from conversations lately, so they must not really care).  On most occasions, in my experience, these tests derive not from the errors of our friends, but from our own insecurities.  We begin to feel that perhaps we don't matter to our friends.  Perhaps too, we just don't matter.

Why do we want to matter so very much?  Why do we need to feel important, even essential to the happiness of those around us? 

You know, friendship tests usually don't work.  Want to know why?  Well, because most of the time, we're all testing each other at the same time.   If we all start cutting ourselves off from one another for the sake of seeing who will break down the walls, then there will be no one, or at least very few ones, who will be left to do what we want.  We'll all be alone and lonely waiting for everyone else to prove that they care about us.

It's a nasty business trying to get others to prove that we matter. 

But then, we're still stuck in our regular problem.  Most of the time, we don't feel too lonely, but every now and then, we just feel...insignificant.  So what can we do?  Well, there are a few things we can do.  First, we can remember that this problem is largely emotional.  Second, we can put things in perspective - you are not insignificance.  Third, we can cut our friends some slack, after all, they're only human.  Fourth, we can be sure to always let everyone know how much they matter to us.  Don't fake it, of course, but the people who really matter to you, make sure you tell them always and often!


Kelly said...

You matter a great deal to me, Therese.

I know I can't always show it and that I don't always show it... but you do. You have made an irrevocable imprint on my heart. I love you very much, darling.

Therese said...

Thanks, pretty girl! And back at ya! <3 (seriously)

ALP said...

This is such a great post, Therese! I have definitely been guilty of initiating "friendship tests," and I think your advice is really, really wise :) Thanks for the reminder

Becca said...

Have confidence in the love of your friends for you. Act as if you are loved, and as if you are deserving of love, and you'll be amazed.