Thursday, June 30, 2011

Growing Pains

Monarch butterfly cocoon
This is my 100th blog post! That is actually the main reason why I haven't updated my blog in such a long while.  I wanted to write something of value for this milestone.  I don't really know if this actually qualifies as such or not, but I've decided to write it anyway.  So here goes...

I'm living in a foreign country right now.  I'm living here alone.  This is a complete reversal for me.  In general, I am accustomed to being surrounded by people I know and love at pretty much all times.  Here I am alone.  It's just me.  That's it.

I don't like it.

Don't get me wrong.  The country is interesting and new and sometimes very exciting.  But here as I am nearly always alone, I am directly confronted with myself.  All of my weaknesses, all my fears, all of my insecurities, and all of my longings are bared before me.  It's awkward.

This might seem strange to many of you and probably old news to many more of you, but I am a perfectionist.  No, I don't keep my room neat.  Yes, I do procrastinate.  I am a very specific sort of perfectionist.  I am a perfectionist when it comes to personal behavior, particularly my own.  (No, this is not a recent epiphany.  I have been aware of this for some time.)

I don't allow myself the luxury of making mistakes.  Don't misunderstand.  I am not saying that I don't make mistakes.  I'm just saying that when I do, and believe me I do, I am extremely hard on myself.  I try very hard to be likable.  In fact, I think that I might be more afraid of being annoying than I am of being wrong.

Being alone is forcing me to face myself.  It's forcing me to face my fears.  I wanted it to.  Now, it is.

I'm definitely experiencing some serious growing pains right now.  But I've decided to take this as an opportunity.   This will be my opportunity to surrender my anxieties to Christ and learn to just do my best.  That's enough.

The same is true for you.  Just do your best.  Just be yourself.  That's enough.


ALP said...

Hi, Therese! I can totally relate to this blog post. I've moved to new places more often than I would like over the past 5 years, and each time (even just the summer trips), it has been a pretty overwhelming experience. What you wrote is so spot-on; you're really forced to confront yourself, especially the parts of yourself that you don't particularly like. But on the plus side, you learn to accept those parts that you might not have confronted otherwise. :) Hang in there, and I promise, each week it gets easier!! Your status updates and pictures are super cool, btw -- keep them coming!

Therese LeBlanc said...

Therese, thanks for your open heart blog post. It's encouraging to read the sincerity of your beautiful soul. Your words give me courage. It seems that the Holy Spirit works overtime when their are challenges in our lives. I love you Therese! You are in my prayers.

Therese said...

Thank you both so much for your words of encouragement! ^_^

Groovechicken said...

There's something about traveling to foreign countries that really brings this out. :) Embrace it... you will be glad for it.