Those old homesick blues

So, I'm homesick.  I'm living pretty far away from home these days and lately I've been missing it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy.  Life here is nice and sometimes fun, but there are some things that are missing.  The biggest thing missing is the people I love.

There is so much that I want to do and share with you all and being here only highlights that we're not together.  I still walk through the streets of the city and think, "Oh!  My sisters would love that outfit!"  or "The Chain Gang would love this tea house."  Pepper mills remind me of Michael.  Every time I see a cute baby, I think about how Elizabeth always picks on my for thinking that every baby is adorable.  Every time the MRT zooms past, surrounding me with gusts of wind, I think about "when I die" memories.  Someone told me that I was like a Disney princess here and I almost hugged her, just because of the friends that statement brought to mind.  There are so many more little moments like that, but of course I've forgotten them.

Anyway, I've had a string of exhausting days lately and I keep thinking about how much I wish I could just unwind with my friends and family, or go to the adoration chapel, or even just text y'all.  You are all in my thoughts and I miss you terribly.

Love,
T

This is just a dream...

So here's the thing, when I think about 9/11/01 I don't get choked up.  I was just a kid when this all happened and the one thing that I remember most about it was how unreal it all seemed.  Don't get me wrong.  I am aware of the tragedy that occurred and my heart goes out to all those who were affected and still are being affected by the events of that day and their consequences.

But as far as emotions go, it's as if I've never been able to really compute the information.  I had no idea what the twin towers even were until they were gone.  I remember we were all at home doing school when Mom came in and told us to come watch the TV.  She tried to explain to us the significance of these events and things seemed to become worse and worse with news of other planes.  I remember trying to make myself cry (because I was a weird kid and I thought that crying would be the appropriate reaction).   There were lots of cries of outrage around the world and Americans stood together, demanding that something be done.

But like all devastating events, this one was quickly forgotten by the majority of the world.  People moved on.  One thing I clearly remember is how very supportive everyone was of the War in Iraq.  I remember asking Dad if it was a just war and he and I going over the Church's standard for what constitutes a just war.  At that time, I really didn't know much about the war or even our government, so I didn't really have my answer, but I do remember that there were yellow ribbons and American flags everywhere for that year and much of the next.  Lot's of signs were about saying, "We Support Our Troops" and lots of country songs were written to rally in their support.

In retrospect, I do wish that I had been able to really grasp the significance of all these events at that time.  I wish that I had understood what those attacks and that war would mean for our country.

Now, years later, as we are still feeling the effects from this man-made catastrophe, my mind doesn't go the national or international ramifications of this day in history (though they are certainly great).  Rather, my heart goes out to the individuals who were most affected on/by that day.  My heart goes out to those who lost family members in those planes and buildings; to those who were expecting to see their loved ones again and never did; to those poor families who know that their children are responsible for the attacks and have to live with that knowledge; especially to those persons who think that 9/11 was in any way a victory for anyone.

Every time I've gotten on a plane since 9/11 I have wondered what I would do if my plane was hijacked.  I never know the answer.  But I do know that my life could end at any moment for countless reasons and so could yours.  This should not cause us to live in fear, but rather to live without regret, being the best version of ourselves we can possibly be.  If you knew that you were going to die today, what would be important to you?

I know that this post is a bit scattered and disorganized, but I wanted to write it anyway.  Let 9/11 be an occasion for reflection and prayer on the human condition and those poor souls who were most directly affected (in whatever ways) by that tragic day.

Princess in the Tower

This post is a tribute to the modern day knights.  Girls like to whine a lot about how chivalry is dead and how men aren't as brave, strong, noble, etc. as they were of old.  I think that is all rubbish.  Perhaps I have had a particularly unique experience with the men of this world, but I have met a number of extraordinary ones who are all of those things and more.  Through the way they chose to live, they make me want to be a better person so that I can be worthy of their acquaintance.

It is a huge travesty to say that there are no good men (left).  They are out there fighting the good fight and living life to the best of their ability.  Ladies, don't take them for granted, because they are not everywhere and strive to be what they are.

To all of the men out there who strive to live with honor, to stand up for those who are weaker and more helpless, to be the best versions of themselves, to provide for their families and their loved ones, and who aspire to greatness, thank you.

I want you to know that even though we don't say it often to you, the ladies do notice.  They see your strengths and your good qualities and they admire you for it.  Strive on noble, knights!  Your efforts will not go unnoticed or unlauded.  We appreciate you.

That is really all that I wanted to say.

On Kindness

Dear whoever cares,
Please give each other a break.  Lately I've been hearing/seeing a lot of people being really hard on each other and it is so disheartening.  I've been rereading "I Believe in Love" by Fr. Jean Elbee and at one point he mentions that the reason why it is so hard for people to accept God's mercy is because we show so little mercy towards each other and that is not just.  Fr. Elbee argues that true justice necessitates mercy.  Here's why: we, as humans, have a fallen nature.  What does that mean?  It means we are predisposed to be selfish, prideful, impatient, inconsiderate, dishonest, lustful, gluttonous, etc.  On our own, we are not capable of overcoming this.  So, God does not expect us to (not on our own, that is).

As human beings, we tend to always be seeking perfection, or the next best thing.  We want perfect happiness, perfect friends, the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the perfect car, etc., but this is not a reasonable expectation in light of the fallen nature of human beings.   Life is not perfect.  People are selfish.  People are mean.  People are annoying.  People are prideful.

Does this mean that we should all give up and that goodness, holiness is futile?  Well, yes and no.  On our own, holiness is futile, but we are not on our own.  Christ has given us everything we need to grow closer to Him each day.  It really is as simple as saying, "Jesus, I am not good, but I want to be.  Help me to be better."  If we keep saying that and living that every day to the best of our ability, then He really will take care of the rest.   We have to exert all of our effort and then trust Him to bless the results.  And when (please note that I said "when" and not "if") we fail, we must humbly turn to Him, sincerely repent and be reconciled, then begin anew.

But if we are going to ask for His clemency, then we must be willing to give our own as well, not once, not seven times, not seventy times, but always.  The failings and weaknesses of others, even those that hurt us, should inspire our compassion and not our contempt.  Protect yourself from abuses, of course, but seek always to be reconciled to one another if at all possible.  Measure your words and try not to speak out of malice or a desire to do harm.  Do not lash out at one another.  If you have done wrong, apologize.

Be one, as the Trinity are one, as the Mystical Body of Christ is one.  Seek not to perfect others, but to perfect yourself.  Seek to grow in holiness and trust that God will grant that request.  If we become truly holy, then, and only then, can we transform the lives ff those around us.

I realize that this letter/post can come off as extremely preachy or whatever, but I wanted to say it because it applies to me just as much as to anyone else, maybe even more.  But I look at the world and I am overwhelmed by the lack of compassion for human frailty and how quickly we all condemn one another.  This is not just.  This is not good.

Over and over again in the scriptures, Christ urges us to love one another.  This is not some cliche' Barney message about how we all need to sing songs and hug each other to make the world a better place.  This is the tough message about fighting the fight.  It's about loving the friend who betrays your trust.  It's about acknowledging our own faults while overlooking those of our brother.  It's about forgiving the ones who falsely accuse you.  It's about accepting that our understanding of reality is imperfect and others may not be the villains we imagine them to be.

"Love one another as I have loved you."  How has He loved us?  When we betrayed Him, rejected Him, ignored Him, and beat Him, He chose to humble Himself to our own lowly fragile state, take on our sins, and die for our crimes.  This is love!  This is what we are called to do!

"Whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, you do unto me."  Do you want to know how well you love?  Look to the person you love least.  To whom are you least kind?  Whom do you regard with spite, condescension, loathing, judgement, bitterness?  However much you love that person, that is how much you love.  What a hard truth this is, yet how much better and kinder the world would be if we could but remember it in our daily lives.

No one is the way they are without a reason.  Remember that.   When someone hurts you, remember that there is more to the picture than you are able to see.  Do not forget that they may not have intended harm or even be aware of the harm they caused.  And even if they did intend the harm, remember that people who lash out are broken people, full of fear, doubt, and self-loathing and do not look upon them with anger or smug pride but remember your own insecurities, doubts, and fears and see those persons as equals.  We are brothers in arms, struggling through this war together.  Let us not destroy our own allies.

Forgive.  Speak with words of kindness and healing.  Curb your anger and surrender it to God.  Do not presume to know the fates of others, just love to the best of you ability.  I read somewhere once, "Love and do what you will".  I believe that.

I believe in love.  I believe in the power of love to transform lives.  It starts with you and I.  Don't be afraid to begin.  Be patient.  Don't expect to see the fruits of your labors, but with an audacious confidence believe that they will come.

I just needed to say that.  Thanks for reading.

-T

Dream

There is something so beautiful.  It is in the promise of tomorrow.  It is the sweeping scores of the sweetest music.  It is in the sweet smile of a young child.  It is in that act of kindness that lights your day.  It is in the kind and affirming words of a friend.  It is in the love of a young, newly in love couple.  It is in the strong, sturdy love that has weathered a lifetime of storms.  It is in a group of girls just being silly together.  It is in the young boys conquering the great dragons of their adventures. 

It is in the hearts and imaginations of the young and the young at heart who not only see the world for what it is but also for all its possibilities.  It is in the soul that chooses to put everything on the line by baring itself to another.  It is in the fairytales.  It is in the dreamers.  It is in the father who struggles to provide for his family.  It is in the mother who stays up nights worrying about the well being of her children.  

It is in the sacrificial love of one who would lay down his life for love of another.  It is in the upward climb to Calvary.  It is in the mysterious dance of life.  It is in the baptism of a newborn baby.  It is the voice of a young singer who dreams of greatness.  It is in the steps of the dancer who believes she can fly.  It is in the wind dancing around you, making you feel precious and enchanting.

Find that in your life and cherish it.  You deserve it.