So, I've started to re-read "I Believe in Love" by Fr. Jean C.J d'Elbee and I am reminded once again how amazing God's love is. Here we are, so miserable in our own junk, but to Him that is nothing. God looks at all of our worst moments and He doesn't even flinch at them. Then, He sweeps us up into His arms and showers us with gifts and graces. Not only does He provide for us spiritually, but He also takes care of our physical well-being. We don't do anything to deserve such benevolence, but when we come to Him with confidence, He gives us His whole self!
Wow! Lately, I've lost focus of that. I've been all mopey and a bit 'woe-is-me' about some things. I've had to give up my bedroom of the last 12 years and I don't really like my new setup, I've had some difficulties at work that threw me off of my game, I've had a hard time figuring out how to handle certain relationships with family and friends, I've been missing my older sister, who's out of state, I've been missing the rest of my family, who are all living in the same house as me, and I've just been feeling generally insignificant. What a waste of all my time and energy! As I reflect upon these past months of summer I wonder how I could have let so much time go by without accomplishing anything worthwhile or significantly productive. Sure, I've done minor things here and there, but mostly I've just been all wrapped up in my own self.
Some people say that if you don't live for yourself, then you'll be miserable. Well, I tried it and it's terrible. I'm never happy when I just do what I want, when I want to. I usually find that the things I thought I wanted to really hold that much meaning after all. I just find myself left wanting even more, always looking towards the next something that I don't have. That leads me down the road of depression - mild depression, but depression nonetheless. I'm pretty sick of it all.
Folks, it's time for me to get back on track and by that I mean it's time for me to recommit to living for Christ and trusting in His guidance and mercy. My Jesus has never failed me and I am certain that He never will. I will do my best to live for Him in each moment of each day, starting with my double shift at work tomorrow. Please pray that I stay on track and that if I must fall I don't fall to far and I return to His forgiving care. Thanks!
Also, please prayer for a beautiful young girl named Sarah. She is getting confirmed this fall and I'm her sponsor. ^_^
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