Whispers

Each day that passes, I learn something new. I learn from the people around me. I learn about patience, love, courage, wisdom, kindness, perseverance, strength, laughter, endurance, faith, and holiness. With each lesson that I learn I feel something tugging gently on my heart. It whispers to me promises of a secret waiting for me in the future.

I try to peer through the curtain that veils my future, but it is too thick. Still, I cannot wait to know what is hidden. It brings to mind 1 Corinthians 3:1-2 "Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready." That is how the Lord addresses me when I seek to know what the future holds. Yet, I cannot help but ask.

There is so much that I want to know. What is love? How is it recognized? How can I best serve God? What can I do to learn how to use my faults and my gifts to draw others nearer to Christ? Where will I be in ten years? In four years? In three? Will I have a career? Will I be married? Will I have children? Will I be alive? Will I have all of my senses? Will all of my family be alive? Will I have the same friends?

I have much to look forward to and so many questions. Some days I become so caught up in the whirl of life that when I finally get a moment to be calm and quiet I don't know what to do with myself. My mind quickly becomes filled. Sometimes, I slip away into a quiet world, away from all the noise and chaos. Still, my heart is so full. There are so many things that I hope and long for. It's so difficult to be patient, especially when my heart keeps pulling me toward some strange new future.

Wildflowers

I love wildflowers. They are simple, unassuming decorations in our vast world. Nearly everywhere on land, wildflowers can be found adding fragrance and color to the scene. Seeing these little blossoms almost always brings a smile to my face. Wildflowers remind me of God's great love for us, because it seems to me that He has made them so beautiful just for me. Indeed, it is something akin to receiving a bouquet from Him.


There are many other things that happen in my day that seem to me like a sort of bouquet of wildflowers. For example, when a friend reminds me that he are glad to have me in his life, or when I find a penny on the ground. When I get a good grade on a test or I just barely scrape by with the score that I need, I feel quite blessed. I know that my Jesus is looking out for me and it makes me very happy. I know that He doesn't give me the gifts because I've earned them, but only because He loves me.


This year I have felt especially aware of Christ's love for me. The more I understand about His love, the more I am overcome by a desire to know and love Him more. My heart yearns to love Him better and I rejoice that He can be so gloriously made present, even in my smallness. I am quite an ordinary person, in fact, I can often be annoying and very prideful. Thankfully, Christ does not judge me merely by my own merit. He is so merciful!



I look at my life and cannot find words to express how touched I am by the many blessings spread across it. God's touch is clearly visible in my life. Any good that is seen in me by others is all from Him. As my vices begin to fade, that too is a gift from Him. How can I not rejoice in this great love? I am completely overwhelmed when I contemplate the greatness of His love. No thought, no emotion, no words, no sense, no melody, no painting, nothing is big enough to be a true representation of God's unfathomable love for us. Praise God!

Thunder

Liturgical abuses make me angry. It makes no sense for them to exist because those who are allowing them have nothing to gain from them. They are leaders in their Church community who are entrusted with upholding the liturgy and leading the faithful closer to Christ. To abuse that position in no way glorifies them, by worldly or spiritual standards.

As if this isn't enough, we the faithful do nothing to change it. We complain, we argue, we grieve, but we don't do anything! How long can we stand watch without taking action?

What are we doing? Why aren't we fighting?

Our savior, Jesus Christ, died for us, He sits in the tabernacles throughout the world, alone, for us. He waits for us. Why do we allow this to continue. The more that these abuses continue, the worse I feel about myself. How can I go to Him each day at Mass and receive Him in Holy Communion, but still do nothing to end the abuses against Him.

How can I be so apathetic when He has done so much for me?

Daydreams

Do we ever get to old to dream? Some days, I find myself wishing I were far away, in some strange place where anything could happen. Throughout my life I have encountered places where I felt as if anything was possible. Some places hold a sort of magic that allow me to forget the real world and drift innocently into a world where childhood dreams return to linger. All of the cares of the world fade away and like a silly little girl, I take hold of daydreams and let them lead me into the world of impossible. Perhaps this is a clear sign that I've read to many fairy tales, but I don't really care. There is a part of me that loves to wander down strange paths in a dark woods. The call of adventure and wonder sings to my heart and I gladly follow.

I enter and entirely different realm than that of reason. In this "land" I can be anything and do anything. There are no limits in this strange place. I can travel anywhere, see anyone, be anyone, and say anything. Secrets don't exist, nor does worry. All the fears and cares of this world melt away and I can have the answers which so often allude me. In this world I can follow any road without hesitation, because if it doesn't lead where I intend, I can easily abandon that road for another. All of the movie and book clichés can exist without being absurd. Life is much more simple. The answers are always clear and complications handle themselves.

In this place I can always just be me, because no one misunderstands. Every now and then, it is fun to wander back and visit the dreams of my childhood, but they do not keep my interest as long as they used to because they create in my heart a longing for things to happen. The dreams of my childhood cause the dreams of adulthood to awaken, which is not bad, but certainly makes it more difficult for me to be patient.




Once upon a time, I longed for castles in the sky with faeries, great adventures, a prince, and a happily ever after. It was a time when the good guys would always win and the bad guys learned their lesson. I couldn't err because I always knew what I was supposed to do. I would imagine falling in love, which was easy because their was no concern over the future. After all, it was only make believe and I could always return to my simple childhood under the protection of my loving parents.


Now those dreams have, for the most part, faded and new dreams take there place. These new dreams are much more simple and not nearly as dramatic. They are much more practical, but that makes them more difficult to do without. Thankfully, I can leave them in the care of Christ. Dreams of love and a home are in His hands, as is my heart. For a long time I worried about whom to entrust my heart to, but one day I finally washed my hands of the whole business and decided that if anyone wanted my heart, he would have to work it out with Christ on how to win it. Christ has my heart, my dreams, and hopes for the future.

As for the rest, I'll just keep dreaming, waiting, working, and praying.

Change

Life is rushing about me, so quickly. Sometimes, I just can't keep up. I get so easily confused by the events rushing around me. Like the tumultuous waterfall, change stirs up many feelings in my heart. Things which I thought were certain later do not seem to be. Unexpected revelations about myself are ever rising.

I have so much to learn. Often, the result is, for me, confusion. Where do I go from here? My mind races with thoughts on how to respond and how to react. Time alone will tell what the future holds for me. In the mean time, I have no choice but to try and keep up with all that takes place around me.