Monday, October 19, 2009
Here comes the sun...
Surprise! By the grace of God, and Him alone, I broke out of the funk I've been in for the last few days. I can't explain it. Despite countless attempts by friends, family, and myself to get me out of it, I made no progress, then, suddenly, peace came out of the blue and overcame all else. The first signs came this morning when I was walking to class and felt like singing. I knew that I wasn't ready for my Chinese quiz and that I had to give a presentation for my International Law class, but I wasn't afraid anymore.
As the time to go to Mass approached, I considered missing Mass in order to spend more time working on my Chinese, but I knew that it wouldn't make a difference. I was just about as ready as I'd be today and that extra hour would only get me two more words in my memory bank. So I went into the church, let out a deep and freeing sigh and just felt my soul fall into His arms. I looked at Him and my many requests and pleas were reduced to one simple prayer, "Lord, give me the gift of abandonment". I don't know where the prayer came from because I felt so compelled to pray it that I was able to go through all of Mass without losing my focus on Christ to focus on Chinese. Instead, I was blown away by the amazing reality of the Eucharist. I received God into my entire being today! What else can even come close in importance?
My soul was penetrated by His beautiful light and He consoled my weary spirit in an instant. I didn't ask for anything else. I didn't need to. In that moment, I knew with my whole existence that He was everything good and that I'd never need anything else. I was lost in His love and it's too much joy for me to contain. I did nothing to deserve this precious gift and I don't care. I have it because He wants me too and that's good enough for me any day. I feel so brave right now. I feel as if I can face anything now. Everything is in perspective.
I did fine on my presentation. I did poorly on my Chinese quiz, but not so poorly that I cannot recover. Either way, I'm happy and I love Him so much. I have so much love and joy in my heart right now. I am very much aware of how selfish I've been these past few days and I want to apologize to all of my amazing friends, who tried their best to help me out. I just got in your way. :-/ Know that I love you and that I see what you do for me. You touch much life!
Here's a song to leave you with!
at 3:20 PM