Monday, January 14, 2013

On Dissapointment, Loneliness, and Eponine


Do you ever have those times when you feel as if life has just smacked you down? One minute you're on top of the world looking around you with joy and wonder, then, suddenly, you find you've faceplanted in the pavement. Well, I know enough people who've gone through something similar to that this in the recent past to hazard that, at one time or another, you have too - probably in the context of a relationship, although not necessarily.

Eponine
Well, I recently had the pleasure of viewing the film adaptation of the stage production of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. I would like to take this opportunity to highlight the breif but beautiful life of my favorite character, Eponine Thenardier. I promise that this relates to my beginning, but first, some back story.

Eponine was born to two horrible parents who made their living by cheating, stealing, conning, and blackmailing anyone. When she was a child, they spoiled her rotten an when she grew older, they expected her to pull her weight in the family business and she did. But unlike her parents, Eponine did not care much for the twisted life she was born into, and began to look for other interests besides gaining at the expense of others.

Then she met Marius. He was everything she wasn't. She was poor, he was wealthy. She was a street urchin, he was a student. She was jaded and wounded, he was hopeful and idealistic. She was a little nothing, and – to her at least – he was everything. There was only one problem. Marius did not feel the same way about Eponine. At best, he viewed Eponine as a good friend, but most days he barely seemed to notice her. Still, she was content just to be near him.

Epnonine realizes that Marius love Cosette
Then, one day, Eponine's worst nightmare became reality when Marius fell in love with a soft, innocent, beautiful, and wealthy young lady, by the name of Cosette.

Eponine was devastated. How could this be true? Marius who barely noticed any woman beyond his books and his revolutionary ideas, finally had that look that Eponine had dreamt so many times of seeing in his eyes, but it was not for her. No, it was for Cosette, a girl who Eponine knew as a child under quite different circumstances.

Marius knew nothing about Cosette, not even her name. Knowing Eponine's street smart ways, Marius turns to her to help him find Cosette. The fate of this budding romance was completely in Eponine's hands, but Marius' pleas could did fall on deaf ears and she agreed to help him find his love.

She led Marius to his love and kept watch for them both as they met in secret to express and exchange their love for one another. She went head to head with her father to protect them both. Then the revolution began and Marius and Cosette were parted, they feared forever. Epopine, unable to bear the idea of Marius fighting alone, disguised herself as a boy and joined him at the barracades.

Here the movie and the play differ.

*SPOILER ALERT *

In the play: Marius discovered Eponine's presence and commissioned her to bring a letter to Cossette. Eponine did as Marius asks, but on her way back to the barricade, she is fatally wounded.

In the film: Eponine carried a letter from Cosette, but could not bring herself to deliver it to Marius after she had joined him at the barricade. She took a bullet for Marius and as she lay dying, confessed her trangression and gave him Cosette's letter.

Wounded, Eponine comforts Marius as she dies
In both: As Eponine lay dying in Marius' arms, she softly tells him not to worry and assures him that his presence is enough to make her feel no pain. She comforts Marius and urges him not to fret (“A Little Fall ofRain”). Then she dies, happily near her beloved during her last moments.

Okay, so what does this have to do with life smacking you down? Well, for starters, it gives a beautiful example of how to face difficulty. When Eponine is confronted with the tragedy of her life, which shows no sign of improvement even in the most disdant future, she does not despair, nor does she wallow in her sorrow. She looks at the reality of her situation and faces it head on. She forces herself to recognize the truth that the thing she wants, will never be. She does not try to force her feelings on Marius, nor does she let her disappointment serve as a motive to stand in the way of his happiness. She is completely selfless on that front.

Now, some, might accuse Eponine of being a bit of a doormat and somewhat pathetic, but I do not agree. I believe that had she lived, she would have found joy in loving Cosette and Marius and their children and in her own time, after her heart had healed from it's disappointment, I believe that Eponine would've found her true love. But regardless of what she may have done if the chance had been given, the fact remains, that in the end, Eponine chose to think of others over herself. As a result, she dies happy and full of peace, not hanging on to resentment, broken dreams, or bitter longings.

Love is willing the good of the other. Love is not getting your way or giving someone else their way. Love is not allowing yourself to be used or to use others. Love is self-giving, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, patience, humility, hope, and so much more. Eponine chose love of another over love of herself.

Her great love, triumphs over her criminal lifestyle, her broken heart, her empty dreams, and her tragic death. When people think of the character of Eponine, then think on her with bitter-sweet recollection. She was the girl who gave all she had for an unrequited love. And because she truly loved, that was truly enough.

Epnonine had wisdom too. She had the wisdom to know that her paths was never meant to intertwine with that of Marius. She had the wisdom to know that one ought not to put the pulls of loneliness about the pulls of friendship. She had the wisdom to know that something bigger and more important that her was at work in all their lives and the author of that work would care for them all.

The spirits of Eponine, Fantine, and Valjean watching over Cosette and Marius
Eponine's last lines in the musical are, “And remember, the truth that once was spoken, 'To love another person is to see the face of God.'”

So, to any of my readers who are struggling with disappointment or hurt of some kind, please know this: you are not alone. You're not the only one who feels hurt, overlooked, forgotten, and/or rejected. How you respond to it is your choice. You can make yourself a victim or you can be the hero. Being the hero is difficult and probably no one will notice, but you will find peace in the sacrifice you make for the love of another. Being the victim keeps you sad, miserable, and lonely. It also burdens those who love you.

Personally, I believe that being the hero, or at least, trying to be the hero, is by far the better way. I don't know that I've ever actually succeeded on that plan, but I've always found that the simple act of trying helps me get through the confusing, painful part. I find Eponine's story incredibly inspiring and she is my favorite character in Les Mis. She is beautiful, simple, and unimportant. She is tragic. She is amazing.

Maybe one day someone will be inspired by my story or yours. So, don't give up and keep on trying to love better.

Love,
T

Friday, November 30, 2012

Rose in Bloom

Life is full of changes.  It's a simple enough fact that in the earlier stages of my life I frequently lamented.  Change was the thing that frequently seemed to rob me of what was dear to me.

Ever since I was a little girl, I looked upon change as a cruel and mischievous opponent.  Many times, change has inspired fear, frustration, anxiety, and deep sorrow in me.  I'm pretty sure my first post on this blog was about change and my struggles to deal with change.

But something has changed in me.  Time has taught me a lesson about change and the gifts that it brings.  Change can bring growth, knowledge, love, friendship, new life, adventure, and so much more.  Now, when change comes knocking on my door, I look upon her as a dear, but still mischievous friend.

Nowadays, I see her approaching and find myself sighing, "Well, old friend, what do you have planned for me now?"  Of course, I know that it is not change herself, but God, the author of change that brings the gift of change, but that's not really the point.

Recently, I find myself standing face to face with some pretty big changes, some of which are of my own doing and some of which are out of my hands.  Some of the changes are a bit painful, while others are rather pleasant.  For the pleasant ones, I need not say much.  As for the painful ones, well, I recently found some consolation in the words of a dear friend.

She quoted to me a line from the hymn Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee.  The line was, "Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above."  It reminded me of a favorite book of mine, Rose in Bloom, in which the main character, a young girl coming into womanhood, is described as a blooming rose, carefully deciding which petal to unfold next.

My heart is unfolding little by little.  I do not know what will happen next, but I know that God is guiding and directing my life.  So, once again, I'll do me best to trust in Him and continuing to hope for the day when my life will come into full bloom.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Home I Know

So, I've been away from home for a little while.  Come to think of it, I've been away from this blog for a while too. Sorry for that.  Anyway, I lived away from home and family for a little over a year.  I've been far away from most of everything I hold dear.  I started out in a foreign land with no friends, no family, no place to live, and no job.  A lot of people keep telling me that I was so brave to do all that, but aside from the occasional moment of extreme loneliness, everything went so smoothly during my entire trip.  God brought me a job, a place to live and many beautiful friends.  Life in Taiwan was in many ways like a dream.

I have quite a few people to thank for that. Michael, Florence, Fr. Bernard, Fr. Stanislaus, Peter and Agnes, Fleur, Joseph, Manuel, Nya, Jeremy and Laura, Greg and Alma, Grace, Jackie, Bridgette, Ariesa, Emily, Markus, Basti, Elizabeth, Pheobian, Gina, Anna, and many, many others have done so much to make me feel special and loved.  You repeated acts of kindness and friendship made me feel safe, secure, and brave.  It's little wonder that I have never felt that coming to Taiwan was any extraordinary thing.   You all made it so easy! Thank you my lovely friends.  Thanks to you all, my home is all over the world and I am forever changed by knowing you.  I miss you all dearly and I look forward to the day when we might meet again.

Love, always,
T

Friday, June 29, 2012

The Scapegoating Pandemic

Let us begin with the definition of a scapegoat, so we're all on the same page here:


Scapegoat - 

  • a : one that bears the blame for others
  • one that is the object of irrational hostility






Still with me?  Good, 'cause if not, I might be tempted to worry.  ;)  Okay, enough silliness.

Please take a moment to acquaint yourself with this video.  I will explain why in a moment.

I will explain why at this moment.   In the video above Father Barron talks quite a bit about the idea of scapegoating, it's place in human history, and the ways in which Catholicism prevents it, or at least is capable of preventing it.  I found this all to be quite interesting and thought provoking.

Hold that thought because we will come back to it.

Skip ahead a few months after I watched this video, I was walking with my boyfriend and was talking about the US Supreme Court's decision to uphold President Obama's HHS mandate in it's entirety.  Let me be clear here, I am both disappointed and dismayed at this decision.  That said, our conversation eventually turned to some of the reactions to this decision and distressing situations in general.

I've heard a lot in recent years about how Islam is taking over the world, how "Liberals" and Atheists are evil, power hungry, Catholic-haters, Obama is the anti-Christ (yes, I really have heard it), and how homosexuals are unraveling the fabric of our society.  In light of the Supreme Court's decision, a lot of very well-meaning Catholics have been thrown into a state of panic, cynicism, despair, and anger.  Some people are saying that they always knew this would happen and anyone who thought differently was foolishly naive because the US is a sinking ship anyway.  Others have boldly marked this as the end of freedom in the US.  Others are preparing for a persecution on the scale of that from the Emperor Diocletian and trying to decide if they'll be able to bring themselves to the point of bearing arms.


Hold your horses, everyone.

I am quite young and inexperienced, but the more I listen to this the more I feel a concern that we are missing something in all of this.  Perhaps things really are as bad as everyone says.  Perhaps we (Catholics) are about to be persecuted in a serious way.  Perhaps liberty is being murdered in America.  My natural optimism causes me to be reluctant to agree with this point of view, but I am willing to acknowledge that it is not entirely out of the realm of possibility.  In the words of Nellie Forbush, "I just can't work myself up to getting that low."

Do I believe that our liberties and our faith are under attack.  Absolutely.  Always.  As long as sin and evil persists we will be under attack.  

Okay, let's take a step back now to the scapegoating idea.  Fr. Barron tells us that the Catholic Church acts as a barrier to scapegoating.  This does not by any means mean that Catholics are immune from scapegoating.   So, I guess the point of this blog is a warning not rooted in my wisdom (I'm often found wanting in that department), but in my deep concern during these troubling times: beware of the scapegoating pandemic.

Anytime a specific group or person is singled out as the cause of our problems, be suspicious of that.  It's probably an oversimplification and can lead to very dangerous measures in order to protect ourselves from said threat.

A great example of this is the whole Japanese American internment fiasco.  This was a measure taken by the United States to protect itself from a group that had been identified a "the enemy".  Many, many innocent people were affected in a major way by this measure.  If we believe that their were no Catholics involved in this scapegoating, then we are fooling ourselves in a big way.  This was action taken out of anger and out of fear.

Are the events of late a serious threat to our liberty and a cause for concern?  Absolutely.  Is the natural conclusion to this line of thought that anyone who supports or is pleased by these event is necessarily evil, anti-freedom, and/or anti-Catholic.  I submit that it is not.  This world is made up by individuals whose lives are written by an incredible number of circumstances and decisions, most of which we will never know.  Sometimes we cannot even truly see what motivates us, so why on earth do we feel compelled to speculate about and comment on the decisions and motivations of others?

Don't mistake this for the relativistic notion that everyone's ideas are so much their own that we should not concern ourselves at all with any sense of right or wrong or some sort of intervention when those ideas lead to actions that might harm others or ourselves.   That is not what I am saying.  There are some things that are right and some things that or wrong and to reject that idea is not only dangerous it is a logical paradox.  I am simply saying that we ought to exercise caution, restraint, and love when discerning how to respond to such situations as those we are facing.

We must chose our words carefully and with kind, honest, and unashamed love (to be clear, by love, I mean it as defined by the Catholic Church, mainly, willing the good of the other as other - which sometimes involves saying, "no, that's not true/right/etc.").   We should also fight to keep that sense of faith and hope alive.  

We as Catholics are called to be a beacon of hope to the world and this simply cannot be if we surrender to being the voice of doom and despair.  Even if it is true that the US has turned into a place void of liberty and against Catholicism, there is still hope.  And what shall we do?  We shall hunker down as our predecessors have done, continuing to pray, fast, minister, surrender (to Christ), and wait for the day that this evil shall pass as all the others have done before it.  We shall be obstinately hopeful, kind, patient, humble, giving, and Catholic until we earn the martyrs crown in the spiritual sense and if necessary in the physical sense.

Now is not the time for fear, anger, and scapegoating.  Now is the time for hope, courage, and vigilant prayer.  To quote the great Mikey Walsh, "Down here, it's our time.  It's our time down here." So let's make it count. When we look at the events of our times, let us focus in on the individuals who need our love and support to the best of our broken ability rather than lumping them in with a movement or ideology they support.  


To tie this all back together, I would like to go back to my starting point with another idea in The Hunger Games series.  This idea is embodied in something that Haymitch says to Katniss before she...




 [SPOILER ALERT]










.....












.....














...reenters the arena in Catching Fire.  He says, “Katniss, when you are in the arena,you just remember who the true enemy is.”


So, yeah, remember that our enemy is not "the liberals", "the homosexuals", "the Muslims", "the Atheists", Obama or any other group of or individual human.  Our enemy is Satan, sin, and our own disordered love for sin.  We must be vigilant against that enemy and the one in ourselves first and foremost, lest we overlook the plank in our own eyes while seeking out the speck in the eyes of our brothers.




If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.  You may use the soap box now, if you like.  ^_^


God bless, y'all!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

An Unexpected Journey

A year ago today, I left home and set out to spend an indefinite amount of time living abroad for the purpose of studying and general character building.  I came here because I felt that I needed to grow up.   I came here because I didn't want my three years of foreign language study to go to waste.  I came here to make myself more marketable for jobs in the future.  Most of all, I came here because I believed then as I do now, in my heart of hearts that God was leading me here.

When I first arrived, I did a fairly good job of keeping a travel journal.  Here are some excerpts:

June 18, 2011
"Right now I am sitting in the common area of the hostel in hopes of meeting some of my neighbors, but it's only 8:22 in the morning, so most of them are just now getting ready for the day.  It's interesting to me how quickly I become an introvert when I'm out of my comfort zone.  Hopefully, it won't take me too long to adjust.
"I've already been in contact with my family and a few friends from back home, but talking to them has only emphasized the fact that I need to start working on my life here.  Part of living in the present moment - I've come to realize - is living in your present environment.  Internet offers an easy escape from that, but time zones do not.
"So, that is my resolution for today: Live in the here and now."

June 23, 2011
"Interviewing for jobs in a foreign country is scary.  It's not scary for the same reasons as when one applies for a job at home (e.g. will they like me? will I get the job? etc.) although those elements are certainly present.  The biggest fear, for me, comes when the time arrives to make a decision.   Will I accept this job and sign a contract to stay here for a year?  A year.  365 days.  365 days until I can see my family again.  What a crazy arrangement.
"Granted, it isn't entirely unlike going away for school.  Still, it seems so permanent.  365 days.  How will I ever bear the separation?"

----

Well, good news, folks!  I did bear it.  I bore it and then I came to find ways to make things betters.  I have made so many wonderful friends here.  I have learned so much about myself and about this extraordinary country and the many different kinds of people who live here.  And now that a year has passed, my eyes are once again turned towards home.

My dear friends and family, both here and there, thank you so very much for your love, kindness, support, joy, and consolation.  Now, no matter where I am in the world, I will always be missing someone because my loved ones are everywhere.  Thank you all for an incredible year!