Days were bleeding together like ink on a page in the rain. Details were fading for her who once remembered every detail. Now there were only feelings left. Pain. Loneliness. Emptiness. Abandonment. Sorrow. Longing. Desire. Fear.
What could she do? Where could she turn? Steeped with shadow, she was filled with shame, but more than that, those things which had led her to that point still lingered. Darkness had fallen.
One by one she had watched her dreams shatter like a delicate, crystal, tree ornament hitting a tile floor. So lovely and cherished before, now in sharp, dangerous pieces. She must let then go, but how can she? They were so treasured. Desperate to hold on, she clutches at them and they bite back at her, tearing her soft flesh.
Poor blood-soaked dreams, now in shambles. Lost.
Are none of her dreams safe? Will none of them come to fruition? Are they all empty promises?
And You, God? You who promise to give the desires of her heart, what will You do?
But she resists You. You would heal her, but she is still clinging to broken dreams in her now torn flesh. She would not give them up. Like a wild animal in a painful snare, she blindly struggles against You.
Please. No. Not these dreams. Please let me keep them. Please give them back to me, whole and beautiful as they once were. Without them, I will be forgotten and alone. I cannot bear it. Please.
Without these, I will have nothing.
You will have Me.
Do not be afraid.
To remove the shards, will be painful, she knows, and she wants to pull away. She wants to run.
Please. Let Me help you. You will die.
She sobs. Even as the first shard is removed she stares after it with longing. That dream was precious. That dream was beautiful.
Let it go now.
How? I cannot forget what it was. What it could be. How do I stop holding on?
It hurts, deep inside. I am so tired of this hurt. Help me.
You must let go. Then you must let Me heal you.
You. Will You tell my why these dreams had to be broken?
I will give you something better.
When you are ready.
How slow she is to heal. And even now, she looks for the shards to the lost dreams. If only she had been more careful with those dreams, would they then be hers to keep? Would they transform into beautiful reality?
Those were only illusions. What I will give you is real and beautiful beyond compare.
But it is not easy to forget long treasured dreams. Even now she seeks to treasure their shards, cruel and treacherous.
A dark voice whispers evil words within her.
You will lose it all and be left all alone. This is your fate. Darkness. Loneliness. Emptiness. This is all that awaits you.
Come to Me!
She clutches once again at the stabbing fragments.
I'll have nothing.
You shall have Me. I shall be with you. I shall protect you. Let me help you, precious one. Come to me.
A gleam of light pierces through the darkness. A hand reaches down to save her. [continued below]
Today, as if in answer to this post, this was read at Mass:
"We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now; and not only that, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.For in hope we were saved. Now hope that sees for itself is not hope. For who hopes for what one sees?But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance. In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will.